Ask The Tight Fist: Old Misers

Giving Tight Fists a Bad Name

Dear The Tight Fist,

My problem is I just hate spending money. Oh I indulge in flights to see my children and when I visit or they visit I love spending money on feeding and entertaining them. But when it comes to the old gal it is hard to part with money. I have built up a healthy account in cash, CDs and Mutual Funds but don't want to part with it. I just enjoy seeing all of the money add up.

Am I a miser? I do eat well but enjoy what I call treasure hunting, most all of my clothes come from the Salvation Army or the Parish Thrift shop and I must say I do get lots of compliments on my wardrobe. I view spending money as a game.

Maybe that is my hobby.

Evelyn
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Dear Evelyn,

First of all let me congratulate you for what seems to be a successful life of Tight Fisting. Stop worrying about whether or not you're a miser and instead bask in the fact that you have successfully warded off consumerism! The mere fact that you don't take pleasure buying expensive consumer goods for yourself means that years and years of constant advertising have failed to turn you to the dark side. Remember, there is nothing to feel guilty about! If you don't enjoy crap that you buy for yourself, then you don't need it.

That being said, it would be a bit of a pity if you are depriving yourself of happiness due to excessive Tight Fisting. Remember, being a Tight Fist is not about self-deprivation. It's instead about finding greater happiness by removing our need for money. If the best way for you to enjoy your money is really just to watch it add up, then you have nothing to worry about.

But is that really the case? Even if you don't take pleasure in buying useless crap, there might be other ways to convert your money into happiness. Maybe a nice vacation? Or a big charitable gift? I've got a feeling there has to be something more exciting that just waiting for the next bank statement to be bigger than the last.

The best part about being a Tight Fister is that you know you can easily live without much money. So if you blow a bunch of your cash on an around-the-world ticket or a new wing for the local hospital, you can feel secure knowing that your quality of life won't be diminished by your newfound relative poverty.

One last thing: anyone who calls you a miser is just jealous because they are poor from years of profligate spending. Screw them.

Wow, did I really just recommend to someone that they spend MORE money? Strange days indeed...

The Tight Fist

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Frugality getting you down? Email The Tight Fist: thetightfist@gmail.com